i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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