im holly from the hills drunk
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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