I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
