My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
