i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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