I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
