Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
