no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
