i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
