haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
