Can i not drive my cunt home
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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