I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
