nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Farmville is her only friend.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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