I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
