dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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