If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
