this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just blew my weed a kiss
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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