ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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