my phone needs a breathalizer
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
