Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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