we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think your dad took our porno
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
