Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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