so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
