some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
