Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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