he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's never too late to be topless.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
