omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He passed out mid-signature
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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