i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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