so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
