During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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