Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
