im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
