You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
