fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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