Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
