my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
