He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
