where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
