My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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