I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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