4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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