I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
