It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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