Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
