did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
