At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
