I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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