mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
