remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
