Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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