4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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