so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
