sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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