I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
